Spiritual Journey of self-discovery in the Magical universe: When I arrived, realised I never left:only my the views transformed the Universe

Archive for December, 2017

happiness is the topic of todays session.

I have had sessions on this item  on and off for 43 years,  because after all when I started out I too had the belief that I am a Human and every humans greatest wish is to be happy and I was not different.

this morning I felt and still feel total happiness and for this reason I decided to have another look at this state. 🙂

Bellow is the session but of course not everything — not all the images and their meanings what I see has been written down.. that would be to much and the images+ thoughts they contain go by very fast.. they vanish in on instant.

The session started out on the Track …since I don’t have ”time sequences” = I just see-experience the images as they come up.

happiness,=sensations were given out in small dozes as rewards in form of chemicals
otherwise it is totally supressed[ here the same practise continues]

here on Earth
we allow happiness into our daily life in small ways—-hot cup of chocolate, extra cup of coffee, a dress, a car.. some kind of object=a thing.. vacation, party, extra portion of cake  which we ”deserve” these because we done well! we ”celebrate” we make happy occasions… we get together and act happy…
But we cant have happiness all the time..!!!!!!!!!!!!!     that would be to much.. but misery is OK to have, it is OK to have suffering, worry, feeling of disappointments.. fear..
every person here wants to be happy… people do all sort of things in order to achieve the STATE of HAPPINESS.. but no matter what they do-have the sensation of happiness  is fleeting .. only momentary –lasts for a very short time.

I believe it is called ”ecstasy” -.. beyond all human sensation.. those who has experienced ecstasy   their life changed… went off from the regular track.. in other words they have switched track, this can happen also when taking some recreational drugs like LSD.. there persons-Entity never were the same.. left the track.. and even when keyed back –that was only partially -had a lesser effect on them.

Here I located the ”sensation of happiness”’ wow.. it is beautiful, it is a “Pink Nebula” very bright I am in awe of it beauty! it mysteriously glows within the ocean of sapphire!

wow. I did not know this before, happiness is pink! fantastic! thought-understanding pours in: Happiness is pink mist and it prevents …hold back the heavy effects of Black Magic implant
[blowdown on]  ”I have forgotten something about HAPPINESS..”
What have I forgotten about Happiness? the pink mist?
it is dangerous.. I see a darkly clad figure –hood over the head, walking in the dark town .. all dark around him.. the street is cable stones the houses are white washed .. small, there are no windows to be see, he is hurrying because he fears that pink mist in the sky…he totally covers his face  by pulling the hood  even lower  but he did look up for a second and he knew that was not ok. fear flooded him,  than he went in some dark place -room lighten only by one small oil flame coming from a clay bowl and he kneeled -prayed so the pink mist would not effect him… now I see a different image which I have seen in many other recalls… on image laying face down arms open wide in front of god? OHHHHH!!!!! this is total submission  wow.. finally I understand the basic meaning of this image.. why it is.. the Catholics do the same in their worship of ”god” the implant. there isn’t happiness in religions.. not one smidgen …
WOW…. the people did not dare to go out at night when the pink mist was visible because they feared its effects but in the daylight when the eye seen the surrounding images they felt safe because these images were their reality and acted as anchor –held them solidly in their implant.. but the pink mist above in space was mystery and therefore feared.! yet they knew in their unconscious -ness that happiness would take them out of darkness.

Realization: Pink Mist. is a very light vibrating mass of energy and its vibration is powerful.. so powerful that what ever comes in contact with ”dissolves” so being happy–feeling ecstasy is not in the Human realities and those who occasional feels-experience this sensation are keyed out of the implant in those moments.

The true feeling of happiness is not connected to objects-incidents the true sensation is just IS… totally beyond is in different level of being human.

Happiness cant be felt permanently until human realities are erased because happiness the sensation don’t have meaning, doesn’t hold images and that is the reason humans fear the long term effects of happiness and they can only be happy for a sort period of time because they fear that happiness will take them out of the implant and with that they will lose their identity- their havingness of solidity.

Here we cant have both: FEELING HAPPINESS, in a totally free-state = floating freely or the same time being somebody and solid as a brick backhouse!

Here on Earth happiness is represented by the color of pink… even little girls are dressed in pink. Pink bow represents those who fight cancer, Valentine is represented by this same color.. greetings cards etc..  INTERESTINGLY SEXY COLOR IS NOT PINK BUT BLACK LOL… rightly so since sex the act has nothing to do with happiness. Sex do not interprets happiness.. no one will put on a black dress when feeling happy,  or use black lipstick, heavy black eyeshadows .. have black furniture, etc..

so.. happiness has the power to dissolve- to erase, to key out from.

How often I feel happy? 🙂 often and when not than I know that sensation session worthy, can be confronted because it do not belong into my universe.





feeling rich or being poor?

All our realities-beliefs are interpreted fashioned into solid forms -objects.

Examples: time pieces… upturned mouth described as  smile,[feeling not to bad-being pleased etc.] and tears  most of the time is on expression of sadness, unhappiness, gray hair is on indication of old age. I generalise  here.

Things what we have around us, our surroundings-possessions are nothing more than the expressions  the very interpretation how we  feel what we believe in.

Now poverty being poor is interpreted as of not having  and being rich well… we all know what means being rich: lots of everything= houses-cars- art…the originals of course and the money to pay for all what is considered by evaluation that is expansive  because it is rare and  ”rare’ is coveted. total nonsense!

But keep it in mind ”solid items forms” are the representation where the Entity is so being poor means there is not  much value of their belongings-possessions and that is the interpretation that  Entity is feeling poor and when this entity thinks ”I would like to be rich” this means that he/she would like to feel differently –would like to be out of the ”poor state” where the feelings-sensations are too harsh, unpleasant and unwanted.

So wishing to be rich well, with that there is a problem because when ”’feeling poor”  the Person thinks being rich, having all those incredible things what money can buy will make him or her feel different because in our reality ”riches” being rich feels heavenly-get us out of our troubles, sufferings etc.. etc..

So when being poor we want riches in order to feel better… but just look around those who have it all they do suffers equally as when not having… example: movie stars, musicians, sport persons  when become rich  and when they do these persons don’t feel any better than before… in fact they gained a new reality to which they cant get on explanation is:” how come I have everything now and I am still feel like shit?” Than they add to their new life-style all sort of things to make them self feel better. But that do not work either.

Riches- being rich=feeling great  once meant way back on the track: not being implanted being effected by restricting beliefs and into these beliefs Evaluation was already included..

FEELING POOR MEANS NOT FEELING WELL and this means being inside the body, being human feeling restricted, suppressed lost in the unknown AND FEELING RICH MEANS THE ENTIY IS NOT IN THE BODY AND NOT EXPERIENCING THE EFFECTS OF MEST and at cause.

By now I have erased the effects of feeling poorly.. and being poor … confronted the significances of poverty-poor  the evaluations and the importance’s and by now I also know experience the sensation-reality of riches: not being the body.

happy holidays!





feel heavy-dull-lifeless?

this post should give some explanation that those feelings are not your fault in days of December and you are not sitting in some dark engram or what you feel was cause by some evil intention= entities.

gravity is not always the same … yes the Earths gravity is always the same but we as Entities are influenced by every different vibrating masses when we experience them.[including food or sniffing at glue, smoking a joint, having a glass of grass juice, a bite of apple etc.. etc…]
The Sun too has a gravity force and that is much lighter-has lighter vibration than Earths and the side of the Earth’s surface when turned away from the Suns gravity as in so called night– than those who are on that side feels  the gravity force of the earths  much stronger: missing the life-force.

In fact chemicals kick in and the human body shuts down as in sleep, we pack it in till we move back into the suns energy field.
The Earth don’t have creative energies as in vibration  therefore without the Suns creative energy nothing could grow– survive here.[we all know this]
The Earth is a dead planet and without the suns influence would be just that: dead matter.  After all Earths vibration has become almost solid and the Suns is still in loose  liquid formation..
I am sure you all have noted when the days, when the sun is the further  away in the winter months as now, and the daylight is in sort supply than every person feels quieter, becomes less active, sleeps more and need more perking up- parties, lively music etc to get some stimulation… to replace the Suns vibration which is the life-force here as we know.
Now when we have days like here today in BC Canada -dark raining-humid  than even in the daylight hours the suns energy cant penetrate the heavy cloud cover than  all living beings pull in, feel heavy, quiet and some feels heavily depressed, as for I, well me: I look for the cause  and find the reason why I am not fleeting around like a butterfly and why I am feeling heavy like a sack of potato and grunting when lifting my butt out of the chair.

This month the Gravities force is least effected –balanced out by the Suns field therefore is in full bloom… normal, heavy -deadly and we experience this: there you have it.
After all what do you want from a dead planet ???? when experienced  that experience is dead weight.. not unmoving energy but sucking in, pulling toward the core and there goes your precious personal energy… which wasn’t your in the first place but the Suns.

Of course effects can be handled in session.. I have done lot on this but not enough.. more to do 🙂

PS;; gravity is a brutal force sucks in all other energies … I have earlier post about this force in the blog: cognitions.

Why it is brutal???? because implodes , just look around you everything crumbles away turns to dust. Without the suns energy this planet too would be same as any other ones around us.. the incredible cold iciness of space would crumble the mountains turn them to flat emptiness. hehehe and some die hard entities would be still sitting around and waiting for the sun to come up! 🙂


Gautama –Victoria

We have a basic energy field and we are this and this is our original anchor in the Universe and the rest… the valances-identities are just additions and they can be erased as in sessions.  My real identity has nothing to do with being here on this planet,  but I will not write about that now.

When  past-lifes are recalled never these recalls, never are in glory and seldom contain pleasure but the  recalls are filled with : suffering, pain, anguish, depressions, being  lost in some sort  miseries, always being on effect, feeling guilt, being small, and not having answers, of course failures are built into life and death lurks around every corner.

The recalled incidents are full of not knowing, helplessness, fears, destructions, etc.
There are those who had few sessions have ”recalled that they were Jesus, Buddha, some well known ruler-king.. but that cant be known for sure from one recall, because that person haven’t recalled the miseries  the unhappiness, the agonies being that person and to put together being this or that famous person-valance has to contain all the lowest forms of what it means being a Human.
 So to come to a conclusion and to be sure of being that well known person needs many recall on that life what it meant and these recalls never ever contained pride.
My first recall being that well know queen in the 1800 hundreds who lived in England was having bladder infection and I have recalled this because this life in session I was having bladder infection and that is so painful it feels like knife is showed up into the bladder so I went earlier and found my self being in that recall and given by the doctor brown liquid  OPIATE  in order to eliminate the pain… I was hooked on opiate rest of my life and later other additions to ease pains-misery and that was fine whisky which helped  to eased the pains, the daily miseries. Of course nothing is written of this in history books, will never mention of me being miserable, addicted, fighting daily depression, etc etc. 9 child birth few miscarriages who would not feel depleted, worn and plus having daily routine so heavy and unwanted.. I resigned 6 occasion as to be released  from the duties as queen.. was not accepted.
That was my first recall of being Victoria and that was in 75 and since than I had hundreds of other recalled incidents and not one was happy!. That life was the most miserable of all other lives I have recalled since I have arrived to this planet 2600 years back.
 My first human body… being a body was so new, so incredibly different what I ever known before and I was lost, because my memory of the past has been erased and in  this life all I knew something was missing, this what I felt and known was not me.. I knew that I have forgotten something and I have spent the rest of that life searching for the way out and the only means those days were available is meditation.. because in my deepest unconsciousness I have known that I knew the answers and I can find the answer to life what I was in and when I will find the answers than I can go back.. go home again where I belonged before I was made to become a human.
 On this life as Gautama I have had hundreds of different recalls and not one was princely !!!! far from it…. the recalls could fill a book and the tile of this book could be ” suffering”.
The glory, the wise saying.. please -please that is the addition and not was mine…they were put there by those who identified with being the prince and wanted to be that prince and wanted to be wise and good and famous!
No one thinks  that now I AM GOING TO SAY SOMETHING WISE, BRILLIANT! That kind of stuff come from evaluation.
 by the way as the size of the body, it was about 5 foot 5 inches and very  slim more on the scrawny  side because I did not like food, food to me , eating was on alien concept  and I suffered from the effects of food because by eating I was forced to experience those energies-vibrations which food is made of and that has effected how I felt, who I really was.
 I still don’t like eating and my main reason for suffering so much as I had being Victoria was the heavy effects from eating.. and that time food was heavy.. meat.. sugar, more meat.. and more sugary puddings and lots of alcoholic crap.
Here is part of a session my last so far me recalling being Gautama.
it is huge…opaque in color…
W/H been missed about this opaque trap.. YES I CANT PENETRAT IT… IT STOPS ME!!!
earlier missed W?
yes i see it being smaller, but it is just being there.
 MINE, my havingness!!! I am HOLDING IT TO MY CHEST it makes me happy… i cuddle up around it as a ghost..
i find it beautiful, i wonder what it is but its a mystery  i go ”sleep” into this thing..
and i become it! after i done that i panic, i want to get out of this milky mist but i cant… even as Gautama i am in this… it weights on my shoulders, cant see through it not even in my dreams..in my sleep… wow now i see the night sky.. full of stars, i want to touch one but i cant… the body is sleeping, i want to get away go to the star but i stay with the body… i know i am out i am aware.. yet the body sleeps.. morning comes, the light … i see the terrain around me dry, brown, and i am thirsty i chew on some green leaf for moister … pang of hunger, feel dizzy. i want to sleep, want to go ”oblivion”’ but hunger wont let me… i am in and out of unconsciousness  some one just poured water over me, i become aware, but my eyes closed.. some one is pushing something into my mouth, something moist and sweet… i smell fruit… i come too, than pass out again… i feel the body is being washed… i am in some state, come to again and see my left hand, very brown skin and bone so is the arm…  i fully come to sitting, i feel i am in blue haze looking through blue haze… hear sound, murmuring.. again my face is bathed with water and i lick the moisture.. i become aware my eyes are open but i don’t feel much…
i am aware the body is wrapped into cloth, hand holding me up… but i don’t feel the ground.. i pass out again i feel the head fallen back.. being laid down.. hand massaging the arms and the legs.. drops of water into my mouth but i don’t feel more than that.. some one is very angry with me, i smell horses .. i go back to sleep.. oh being fanned by some one..!! i feel the coolness of the air’s movement..
 W/H been missed?
 yes i really did not wanted to come back, but i was brought back.. by care…after that i felt so little when touched things. mostly nothing.. remained disconnected, i was helped held up when walked because i did not feel the soil under my feet… i was totally separate from the surrounding.. separate, out of the body because i had two views one from the eyes and one from above the body.. the body was small it was included in the terrain… i lay down in the coolness of some small green growth the grass is soft and cool to the touch under my face, i smell it, and i become one with the oasis  yet i see it from above,  at night fire is burning i am sitting and looking into the fire and i become the fire!!! but it don’t burn.. i am the flames, they are my body… daylight , i am walking but i am still the flame.. i see through it.. see the mountains in the distance and i want to touch the snow and in that moment i feel and hear the winds and feel its iciness! I bend  down and scooped up a handful from the dry dust it was warm and i laughed.
 What has Victoria as valance has in common as Gautama? the suffering– being lost… titles of royalty is nothing more than burden… and commands to be in -enforces reality which is not real.. a beggar is better off … pomp glitter is for the eyes the rest is hidden.
I have written in some of my posts that meditation  is a dead end street because it leads to emptiness-void and that is on anchor from which  to get out of is not easy unless that void-emptiness is confronted and when than the person will find that emptiness is not what it seems.. not at all.
I am not writing here to brag of having important valances-personalities far from it.. my life as a human  and so far only had about a dozen is nothing more than miserable because what I have seen in sessions how I have understood how these valances are put together are nothing more than misery, unhappiness etc.. that is the valance and the momentary fleeting happiness felt here and there while living this misery is seeping in from the past when we were the creators and not the effected .
 there is nothing saintly about the behavior when Gautama and nothing queenly me being Victoria,  because the concepts ”saintly or queenly” are just a considerations and ALL CONSIDERATIONS= BELIEFS ARE NOTHING MORE THAN what??? to this you know the answer.
valances are same as the figures on the chess board.. and to have a game we take on a image and in order to have on solid image we needed heavy masses of energy and that can only be if they contain strong emotions … sensations, pains etc… happiness is lighter than the feather …. feather can be seen when floating so this means it is visible to the eyes therefore have weight but on the other hand ”happiness” vanishes, cant be held because happiness is not a product but the producers.

PS::::: to believe being this valance-person or that valance-person is better-more important than other valances we hide behind in order to be in the game means: ego and ego is bank  and that is a big load of manure the same kind I have seen when lived in Hungary Csillaghegy’s outskirt and seen the farmers spread on their land for fertiliser.

Valances can exist=be real= believed in only because they are made up from altered realities… these realities-beliefs have been twisted so many times that the truth has vanished.

no one walks on water while having a body and playing the role of being human.. sainthood -miracles are not part of  being a human.