I haven’t thought -wondered much about my destiny why I am here and why I am having sessions and why I am ”relentlessly pushing on” day after day.
I know I have tenacity -that means staying power and I am like a bulldog once bite into something will not let go till that piece is bitten off.
But occasionally I would like it if I finally could say: that’s it, no more and just closes the door on the past and be happy with the incredible gains I have attained till now. 🙂
This is how I felt the past two days and I felt I just reached the state where I wanted to stop.
Who I was kidding but self, because I can’t stop and the reason is that sessions and their outcome is like reading a most fantastic mystery novel which can’t be put down because as we are reading we are waiting holding our breath wondering in great anticipation what’s going to happen, how the story will end and what will become of our heroine: in this case that person is me.
So the sessions go on, the adventures continue!
The reason I wanted to stop because I wanted to kick over -give up the idea buying that house on Vancouver Island and have it redone, the garden be turned into fairyland and of course winning the lotto, because without the lotto money I never could by $ 7.500.000.00 property and spend lot to furnish it etc.
And I also known living there would not make me happier or more contented as I am here so why bother continue with the subjects in sessions?
You see, I have reached the STATE some years back [about 20 years] that to me things did not hold value so why the Hell I want to win that bloody lotto and buy that house? Why I am banging my head against the wall, OK had immense amount sessions and huge gains on these subjects and knowing very well without these realizations I would never be fee, and I had to have these sessions because the ideas-beliefs were on my path to confront. So my time wasn’t wasted, no, totally opposite.
The draw for the numbers were Friday [ every Friday] evening and of course I haven’t win again but one free ticket for the next draw so I have questioned today why I am pushing this item so hard so relentlessly and the realization hit me like a ton of brick: IT IS MY DESTINY, not winning the lotto or having the house, absolutely not, no, those things are the END PRODUCTS, but first: all the considerations-beliefs are need to be confronted which are the barriers in order to have that product.
And the only way to regain those abilities is by confrontation those myriads of reasons why it haven’t happened so far when I intended it, why could not have happened, why the intention-postulating don’t work when I putting them out??????
In other words: What the hell has happened to my willpower?
I know I put out, intended to happen something difficult: aiming for a goal which is not easy to attain as example: ‘’have the intention to win the jackpot of large some$$$’’and then session by session as –ising all the negative and positive beliefs which are connected to those concepts and let me tell you: the negatives -the feeling of loses just pours in like water down on Niagara Falls after each draw and me finding out that I haven’t win yet…and not winning means that I still have objections-counter postulates, fears of having-winning-owning, there is still denial, suppressions of will power and who knows what else is hidden-forgotten etc etc etc… But when I will win, have those 7 numbers come in than I will be done and I will know: I have finally re-gained what I have given away so long ago.
The power of intention: which brings results!
PS: no one can even imagine what it takes to as-is the immenseness of counter intentions, losses which results from that… just how many we have experienced in our time being here in this Infinite Universe. As My friend Maurice said more than once and I totally agree with him that we have only scratched the surface and we both been at it..solo auditing, he since 67 and I 76!