Spiritual Journey of self-discovery in the Magical universe: When I arrived, realised I never left:only my the views transformed the Universe

Archive for January, 2013

Recovery from brain damage.

Recovery from brain damage.
I have been in a head an collision in 94, woman has driven into my lane I was going 34 miles an hour she has going about the same speed
After the collision for nine day I was totally blown out of the MEST, exterior, I felt fantastic nothing bad, had no pain what so ever the collisions impact pushed me out of the MEST and all the connections were severed and because of that I was totally happy,  sang all day long, danced inside my skin so to speak and had incredible amount of energy and only had few hours of sleep that period of 9 days, the world was a beautiful place to be in since everything was perfect.
The tent day I have reconnected to the body collapsed and passed out and taken to the hospital when I have come too, I was in Hell buried under strong-heavy pain and I could not understand what people were talking about because I have lost all capabilities of understanding, I have heard the sounds the voices but there were no meanings to the spoken words and because of the brain damage I suffered my speech become almost incoherent to from that day on I passed out regularly, I would find my self-laying on the ground  saliva was continually flowing out of my mouth and I could not focus on anything I had no attention span, no memory but continual screaming pain I was experiencing.
The x-rays showed that left side of the brains become lose, sort of slushy and the connections wwere severed whatever that meant, I did not understood.
I could hardly move the body, I only could shuffle dragged my feet because the command center was damaged and I sobbed, screamed great deal and I have fallen into very deep depression.
The pain I felt was unbearable and of course I had continual mind boggling headaches, yet I refused drugs to ease the pain.

I received weekly: 2 acupuncture, 3  chiropractic  and 2 massage therapies and about 6 months’ time there was enough improvement and I connected to MEST and understanding and I was able to recall some of the questions from the Rudiments and I started to have sessions but I had great problem because  I could not keep the attention on the items.. it has taken another year till those auditing conditions have improved and I could run a continual session.
So sessions started but I still had problems with functioning of the body -moving and I could only shuffle my feet dragging them and the incredible tiredness and depression did not ease up, the suffering was too much, unbearable.

At that time in that none existence I lived in, my husband packed up left for another woman and left me penniless, with two dogs, he sold the house  and I had to move out into apartment and [I was still in bad condition could hardly look after my self] but before I moved I had to put the dogs to sleep which was very painful experience.
I still had difficulty functioning, the headaches and muscle pains were constant but I had to make a living and support myself, I had to find work. But what can one do when one hardly understand what people say, and cant remember from one minute to the next what was happening?

I have asked our former cleaning lady to show me how to clean houses professionally and I learned from her and after that I hired myself out to clean houses since that did not required thinking since I have not regained my memory I could not learn anything but I could do cleaning work which did not required knowledge and slowly I could take my time with the work, it worked but the tiredness and depression was so overwhelming that I every day all I wanted to do is to end the misery and die.. Suicide…that thought was ever present… all I thought i want to go.. I want to die, I want to die, because I could not bear all this..
But I was hanging in there on a thin tread because I did not want to leave the body-mind in that state, as a loser taking it with me unhandled.
I did solo every day but that impact of the car accident-loss of memory, constant heavy pain plus losing my home, the divorce   brought an incredible amount of heavy stimulation and because of that the sessions did not bring relief from the overwhelm. Of course had had cognitions, but there was just too much there to handle.
When 1 ½ year passed after the accident  I felt enough life in me that I missed reading and I started to teach myself to read again,  it was not easy because I could read but there was no meaning to the words which I read, I could not comprehend what I was reading but I still made myself to do it as a daily exercise:  word by word one or two sentence a day I read at times, with great effort I made myself to explain each word I read how I understood it,  I am speed reader now yet I don’t have left side of the brain working properly as it was before the right side has taken over.
But now I can compute with the speed of light: at glance.
Taken me years to confront all what has happened in that accident, divorce and with that the total loss of how I was before that accident;That life was gone.
I have had thousands of hours in session. The most difficult condition was to as-is the constant headaches and the deep depression.

The depression persisted because I missed my earlier life style but the continual solo auditing  slowly were erasing all the loses, item by item and finally taken me out of those conditions, and I did not go into agreement with the Doctors: that“””””” I will not be able to move my neck ever again and the spine will collapse too and I will be in wheelchair within few years.”””””

The neck is working but stiffness persists wrong with the spine is fine and there is no depression in my universe on the opposite I am a very happy content and of course I know I am doing really well.
PS: In later sessions I have found my postulate to cause that accident, yet it was other person who ‘’’’caused the accident’’’ and that was established by the police and after all it was she who driven head on into my lane: I have found all the postulates for the cause of the accident and for the agony, the pain etc.

I have immense case gain because of that accident; I have pulled all that in the order of to confront the worsts part of my existing reality-life and that was Hell itself and I was able to come out as a winner, yes and  I know how to confront and as-is MEST, what on incredible adventure I have had so far in this life and I have no regrets.
THE MAIN COGNITION WAS: I wanted the logical mind, the bank erased [ I made that postulate when I got into scientology]and yes that what has happened but then I have not realized if the bank is erased with one blow what we have learned this life and that includes speaking, thinking, reading, adding 2+2, and body movement , understanding what is going in one’s life and  to be able to make the decisions  all that will blow will be erased too I was not ready for such on adventure but I was in it..
After that I had to build a new life, I had to learn how to function and audit out those loses I have felt because certain thing I never could do again. Example: I can’t repeat-recall what I read in a earlier sentence,. I don’t have a memory. I only have NOW.. this experience., in this moment..
But on the other hand I gained abilities I never had before… interestingly my IQ is so high it can’t be measured… hehehe.. that alone made my universe unique because I started to “”see”” things around which I never seen before.

I never regained that MEMORY PACAGE I have lost in the accident.. what I have now is Knowledge which has come from sessions,  they are the cognitions and cognitions hold pure form of knowledge since the lies were erased.

After the accident anything I wanted to know I had session on that item and the understanding have become mine.. I never stopped the sessions…And I don’t miss the MEST universe because after all, those considerations which made it existing made me believe it was real those considerations were only a very small part of the whole Universal considerations.

That accident was in 94. Since then the ability to confront and handle any MEST related considerations has increased have become immeasurable in comparisons what it was before, the as-ising is instantaneous now when spotting the lie and cog. is there.
I do believe that auditing works, anything can be handled in session regardless what is that concept,  even the excuses can be audited out why one is not continuing with auditing…
I also learned from the accident that no matter what ever happens to one.. we can’t blame other, and not much use in that any way. But by taking responsibility what ever happened one can come out as a big time winner as I have.

PS: since I could not learn after the accident and because I needed to earn living I have stayed with cleaning business, I have built it up and it given me an excellent revenue and I cleaned houses for 14 years till I have retired age 71 [the body].
The first 5-6 years were hell because the extreme fatigue I suffered from and the depression I was fighting the suicide thoughts but the daily sessions continued so were the therapy with acupuncture, massage and chiropractor once a week.
But I was winning and slowly I built a different life for myself and there was a passion which has become my main daily activity to which I totally dedicated all my free time: the Solo sessions.. The cognitions poured in, and problems the ARCB’s vanished.
If anyone looking for the easy way out… well, they might find it.. But that way they will never confront those hidden energy masses-considerations which only a heavy impact could bring back to life. re-stimulate.. and trust me: we all had those in the track..


Alzheimer’s diseases and dementia.

 I have soloed lot on memory-remembering or not remembering in the past years and I have seen in session how the Alzheimer’s diseases happen and dementia is and what is their cause.

 But today I have realized that neither of them is a “DISEASES” but the mechanisms and the spiritual beings dis-connection at one point from the body but that dis-connection is not caused by sudden ending of the working mechanism the body.  The body thing just keeps working automatically, functioning in perfect order.

 The Alzheimer’s is a disconnection – simple withdrawal symptoms in which the persons going through many different stages and this condition develops over the years [ the spiritual beings dis- connection happens in stages from the MEST because the reactive mind has not only one implanted machine but has many in existence; all of those machines have had automatic devices to stop the machine-body working. [ these machinery is invisible  now of course but one knows their existence, since they are part of the track] and to terminate the machine-body to stop working which is called here dyeing or becoming dead, no longer functioning.

 Of course only the strongest device controls the body, but to some extent the others are working so the disconnection from the body as in Alzheimer comes in stages. Also there are thousand postulates and counter postulates to forget or not, remember or not and all are still in working order and influences the function of the being..  Also the ’life span=present life’ is running out unwinding: since the postulated reproduction cycle has ended.  

Alzheimer’s is not disease as in illness, but disconnection in many stages from the so called life activities.

 The body still goes on and function, even part of the ”’memory-remembering is re-stimulated time to time so it seems the being is coming back to present time, but that is only a mechanisms in stimulation from something in the beings surrounding which have caused that. [I have seen my brother-in-law’s Alzheimer’s development for 17 year, and Dementia is very similar, but not quiet.

The difference between the two must be having different track-past life-implants agreements etc.

Having the Alzheimer condition the spiritual being skips out, disconnects from the implanted MEST and becomes free, that is very noticeable in their behavior.

The persons becomes happy, loses all the cares and worries, all problems fall away, no fears left or values or sense of time, one of the interesting factors I have noticed that My Brother-in-law’s body stopped ageing and his bodies appearance have not changed in 17 years, that means he has become totally exterior to his track-time :considerations-agreements which contained aging, getting old.


 In my reality THE BEING becomes EXTERIOR TO THE MEST Universe, gets blown out by something, who knows what.  

I have noticed with my mother who had in her late years [late 80’s’] dementia, she was seeing things, past memory from this life with the so called ””fantasy-pictures-events’ ‘happenings from the track all mixed together. Her Universe has become liquid, beings people she has known in earlier life were coming and going, the wall of her room disappeared has lost it solidity and the being were coming and going freely around her.

 Those who do not know or believe in existence of past life of course don’t understand the “imaginary “pictures she had was part of her past life’s=track and the now=this life were all mixed up… continuum — sense of time too has vanished for her.  

So cure for Alzheimer’s never will be found, no matter how much researcher will go into it.




OT levels the attainment of the OT levels were made to believe that the Levels content were something “out of this world” [ good money making PR by the CofS.]and those who will achieved that state OT 7 and 8 will become Godlike creatures, above all: these persons will possess God like powers, in other words: with the twitch of their nose they will make changes in the Universe like Samantha did in the Bewitched TV show.

But in reality it was not defined what was like to have God like power. That “BIT” was left to each person’s imagination… fancy…thoughts-considerations-assumption and in those individual imaginations are filled with incredible amount of track incidents, believes which are the foundation of the MU’s scientologist have about the upper levels what is a OT what on OT can do…. yet…if one has idea what that power is like, than that power, that ability is there, it is existing… but one need to dig for it [have auditin-sessions] in order to recover- get those abilities back!

That “”mystery”” the OT levels which encompass the abilities which one can achieve by confronting those levels that mystery is in fact One’s own considerations one’s very own believes : and that is what they are…your very own reality.
There is no external-outside separate mystery to what is in Ones universe, but what in fact exists in those ‘levels’ is what you put there in the first place… Your own reality, your very own bank=universe,[ i dont like the word ”bank”, I never have] whatever you have created experienced agreed too ever since you entered into this Universe that is your track…what you can recall.
The upper levels what they contain or any level and I don’t give a hoot what One was made to believe by LRH and the Church what mystery was put there, still is simply a part of the BANK and No matter how important it was made out to be, still remains the part of the BANK.
There are no levels, stages, ranks, phases, platforms when it comes to what is in one’s universe, what it contains since there is no such a thing as ONE Item more important or better to have than other item-thought-consideration , they are all the same: The bank is a mixed up bundled up endless bunch of un-confronted thoughts flowing random into each other they are all nonsensical: just simple considerations, assumptions, created agreement.
The Stages are only in existence on the levels of materials is what one was studying and being audited an … The spiritual gains cannot be measured, so as spiritual being has no levels, since there is level an understanding only, an viewpoints, an reality what-what “IS”, how one views things in general.

How to find out what wondrous things in fact exist, what are ONES OT Abilities? What miracles can be had, what One can Do?
What is that Magical skill those talents expertise aptitudes One has as a OT?
That can be discovered in session… and they are all there… what one one can see, dream of, immagine… and more.. because what one can do is mostly forgotten by now.
If One has been a great painter or singer, mathematician, a farmer, monk, general in battles, weapon maker, or set under the banyan tree omm-ed, or was a skilled healer, a fighter pilot, mined the earth, or simply plowed the fields.
Have been cannibals, as monkey swing on the tree tops, or was a wise old rock and have not moved for eons, danced among the stars, or set in the harem or ridden as a Indian and taken scalps… Written books and given lectures- sermons to thousands or Set on thrones and ruled nations and thousands of other things since One has created ONES VERY OWN UNIVERSE all is yours because you did it all…. you have recalled those incidents…. Therefore they are your abilities!
Whatever You have recalled and can recall, you still have those abilities, skills, knack, talents aptitude and nothing can erase that take that away from you.
You can’t do them now there are reasons for that and because Now One is out of practise, and those abilities are not included into the present time life style they are not postulated into the NOW EXISTANCE… they don’t belong here…

HERE IS THE CATCH: But “just to know those abilities about self is not good enough” that won’t re-activate those abilities because there are existing those “hidden concealed invisible buried intentions and counter intentions by the hundreds which were made in the past and to re-gain those abilities first they are necessary to be as-ised if One would like to practise them again.
The few hundred auditing hours in sessions as One went up on the levels: a cognition here and there on individual item will not erase the hundreds of hidden considerations existing an any one singular item which are still in effect plus the unknown items in connection with the major ability these minuses and plusses won’t let the person do: Postulate thing into existence.

Example: If one can sing only a CROW and to have again a magnificent singing voice again and cant than one has a present time problem or ARCB.[ crow sings beautifully for a crow, perfect voice he has as crow, mind you, he has no consideration what so ever, one way or any other ways about his voice!]
To sing again for a human with magnificent voice than all the postulate counter postulate would need to be confronted and erased than one could sing again beautifully.
Fun part would be to find out why one kept the voice of a crow? What was a survival about that? Who made One believe whatever….why one needs the change first place and what for, what is magnificent about being different, having different voice, why was the crows voice sounded beautiful in the first place, or what is better from once kind of voice than the other etc…[ few hundred considerations can be confronted right there… complicated? No…only one item at a time need to be confronted. [ and what’s the hurry?
No hurry….We are here for ever, we are eternal, we have all the time, since we create that concept ‘’time’’ and ‘’too be here’’ and to be “eternal”.

I wonder why LRH has not emphasised “Hey guys, it is incredible: whatever you recall in sessions those are your wonderful creations, your very own abilities and it is trill to have and to finally know understand what you can do!
It is incredible what we are able to do and you all are magnificent powerful beings!”
PS..PS PS… Whatever you see experience in every moment of your daily life that is your creation: so you wonder what you can create? Just look around your-self!
Liking what you have or don’t like…. all that is up to you: your creation your considerations that it is there and that is the reason you experience it.
If you don’t like what you have, again it is up to you to do something about it, it is in your power to change, to create and to experience different… after all you have created your universe, you are a mighty creator!
I wonder what made us believe that there is different power than our own and that have created the Universe, perhaps we believed that because we have forgotten our past? Or we just pretended that we have forgotten it?
Oh… the games we play in order to amuse our-self!

we have implant stations here on this planet… you not going to like this.. I did not my self.

This is my reality, how I have seen this in session… not easy to take and to believe… but the BANK the MEST universe is not a pretty universe… and this is my reality it do not make any difference if I like it or not it still remains my viewpoint.

IMPLANT STATION: where we are programed at first and it is brainwashing.
The Source is Mother, in this life ones source is Mother, She has given life, nurtured the body from the first day on it was conceived.
One receives the genes plus every though she ever head and what she have heard from communication with others while One is inside her body in that ”cradle” which is her womb and that is our mold we have come out of and in that cradle one’s invisible – intangible education have started: where the basic personality is imprinted stamped established into us the Spiritual Beings.
After given birth, she is the one who starts the “Offspring’s” education in new unit of time.
Her knowledge, her reality all her believes becomes child’s: and that is: One- the Self is a body which have just come out of hers, therefore that One is that body and we believe it is true because she believes in that too!
If her believes, teaching do not include embrace spiritual beliefs that we are souls that we are on entity, and we live for ever, we never die than the child believes the same that we are only a body and nothing more than that meat body.
She is the one who educates the Baby: that body has to be nurtured, that it is fragile, it has needs in order to survive: right temperature, correct nutrient etc… and what that fragile body can or cannot do…all that is established by her believes will be our guidelines too in our life.
The Mother is the One, who teaches how to hear with the ears, how to concentrate on the sound on the words, how use and talk with words and it was she made one understand what is solid object= their meanings and how and what effects they have on the body, how the body react if there is a contact established between those two solid object.
It was She the Mother who thought us that the body is solid it has weight, because she felt that weight while we were “inside her” and her feelings become ours!!!
She teaches: How to walk, how to talk, form the words, she explains what is good what is bad, she is the first one who points out the ‘’value’’ of things around us: what to have or not to have: where are the dangers: with that she Implants FEAR Into the being: Because by teaching values and having values she also teaches what it is like if we lose those valuables: She implanted Fear.
She teaches: What is acceptable by others, how to belong to etc., where and why we should belong? She is the one who pours the information into ones universe and teaches Offspring, the child, how to become the player in the game.

How to become a Human Being how to think like a Human, how to behave like a Human and of course Humans can’t levitate and can’t walk through walls: she can’t so you can’t either!
Father too moves in, with rules, regulations, the rights, the laws what to obey in order to remain with the group and not to become different in any way: In other word how to become a Solid Citizen.
Than the teachers take over and continue the education, but not that part I want to talk of: all schools are implant stations.
The Mother the Source: she is the major Implant-er.
Mother’s role is to Re Confirm the past which she believes in and establishes the values with the consent of the Father,
The traditions, all believes of course the Fathers too enforce which include all the basic rules and regulations and laws what must be obeyed and why by the Offspring or else!!!
If the rules are not obeyed the child will be cast out of the tribe, clan, family, group and will punished severely, and there are many different established ways to do that !!!!
The Child is Black Mailed from all side: if you won’t behave, if you won’t do what is required you won’t get something or you will really get it: will being punished: this form of punishments is the foundations of the offspring’s having-ness and keeps the family members under control at all times.
The Values of Family the close ties must be, have to be, they need to be established firmly to have the continuum of the Implant, Implants.
Therefor Family values have Great Importance: To keep up the established implants and to continue with its existence and the child too becomes a part of the group.
The heavy strict traditions all are Implants of course must be upheld at all cost and enforced, and they are of course: you think, behave, act like your family and one can’t get away from that.
Mother is great item, Huge: there should be special Rundowns on’’ Mothers’’: Just think what that source has given you. What have you inherited! What is your life now, what have you become because of your up-bringing ?
What identity the source=mother has given you, made you believe in, or not to believe in?
They are very same what she has been thought to believe in by her Mother, therefore there is a continuum..
THIS LIFE’S, same as in any previous life’s THE SOURCE WAS and IS MOTHER, HER ROLE IS TO RE -confirm the past, the traditions, all the believes, which have originated from the IMPLANTS. .
She is the one who nurtures the being to become and to remain close to Mother=Implants as “ONE” possibly can be in duplication of herself.
This is one of the reason the teen years are so horrible for both the Offspring who wants to cut the cord, the connection [since he has the need too, the must, to fallow his own Implant combinations, the directions from that implant to re- establish and to have that remain intact at all cause.
But the Mother the Source wants to hold back the child and she fight for that right to control which is her right by her considerations.
She fights with tooth and claw to keep her control, and her main weapon which she uses with great skill is The” MOTHERLY LOVE”.
Oh, the Motherly Love, what we do for it to have and how our Universe falls, shatters, shaken, we become lost, lonely, small, nothing, depressed, fall to the bottom of the Tone Scale when that incredible love is withdrawn from us!!
And we do anything to get that love back we do everything to keep it since we know without that love our life not worth a dry fig, it is empty and the world is sad place to be. So we obey mother!
If we lose that great love, if we can’t go back to Mother there is no one, not one person who understands us the same way as she has in this whole Universe: and no wonder, she is the only one who can duplicate us because we have become her twin implant.
Oh, how we cry, how we sob, our heart becomes empty in silence we call, Mother where are you, I need your love!
More crime has been committed within the family, more beings have been destroyed, ruined, maimed mentally and physically than all the battles fields combined.
The same weapons are used by both sides [mother and the offspring] in the fights, pushing each other’s buttons since the “Offspring” [well tagged] duplicated the Mothers teaching well and knows very well where her buttons are since he too has the same. And knows how and which one to push, hurt, offend, in order to cause suffering.
And words can kill, cause pain, depression, just to name a few. The rest is in the dictionary and so are the definitions: Words are wonderful weapons! Battle Royal is on, to hold, control to keep and not to be controlled and to gain independence fallow one’s own simulations.
The family rules are heavy and family members must keep the rules or else: There are many wonderful slogans created and enforced.
The blood is thicker than water, family must remain together. THE family VALUES must be kept at all costs. These are Huge Items and these items are the walls which holds anchors one in solidity in to the MEST Universe and to be a human!
As we know by now the Offspring do become very much like the parents in thinking even in appearance.
”FALLOWING THE FOOT STEP’S, THE CHILDREN MUST! And as We march on: the implant continues roles an and an!
The heavy stimulation is present on the Planet Earth and there is one good reason for that, [there are many more] the opened up communication lines and the mobility of the Humans, their exposure to too many different sources[ internet TV] beside The Original Source, The Parents.
Because of the influence of the internet the original Source: parents have lost their importance, the tradition of the family losing its value: The implants have become weaker but not lesser in strength or lighter and less stimulative.
Confusing data is pouring into the Offspring’s universe and causes confusions, since the guide lines from the Parents are broken or no longer there had to anchor the Offspring to Mother the Source with that is the main anchor point lost for that person.
These days, this time, with the youth: anything everything goes which is very understandable.
The orphans can become drifters: one can be 50 years old still can feel that great loss after the parting of the Source, the death of the mother, loss of that anchor point.
The orphan they feel totally lonely and lost, to them it feels incredible the loss of that connection to the basic implant station which was Mother and nothing ever again can feel that void.
After the parents, teachers take over and they are the ones who continue feeding values, the must and the must not, values to be fallowed and the Offspring is “graded” and given GOOD MARKS if he or she is good fallowing the rules and learns well.
Low grading have devastating affect which extends a whole life time. Become the foundation for one’s personality, life style.
Any, who dare to be different is excluded from the groups, and punished by the group and labeled odd ball and called many different names which degrades that being.
Self-esteem greatly weakened by such labels, destroys the persons confidence.
Pushing the being into none existence so that being cannot influence the group or change the contents of the Implants.
Ones inheritance from the parents are the capabilities one has or don’t have: The negative or positive attitudes one receives, becomes one’s life style-thinking attitude.
Can you imagine if we all would have been thought that nothing is impossible, since no matter what we see around us we have created, how different our universe would be knowing that.. Imagine: life without counter postulate, without negatives…..